Thank Goodness

This is a thank goodness for all those people who have said to me "call me if you need me." Many people fall under this heading. I know they are letting me know that they care about me and want to help me get through this difficult time. I appreciate each and every one of them, even if I don't call.

And that's the small fly in this entry. I have people who have given me their phone numbers, yet I have not called them. I have had times when I needed to talk to someone and have not dialed their numbers. Why? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it is the part of me that thinks I should be "strong enough" to get through this without being that woman that needs to bleed her soul on everyone in sight. Maybe it is because it is not easy for me to open up, especially now. Maybe it is because I am reluctant to put myself in a position where they would be too busy to listen to me whine, and I'll hang up the phone feeling worse than when I first called.

I'll admit, I am leaning on people in a way that would have been unheard of six months ago. I'm learning that it is OK to open up. I'm just a bit more willing to let people in. I'm showing people that my life isn't the pretty picture I've been showing off for years. I'm more messy than that. They are showing me that messy is just fine; they still like me anyway.